Finnick's Vow: A Somewhat Soliloquy
by lowi
Summary: Once everything was as it should be. Now Finnick can hardly remember that, how it /should/ be. /Poem for Middy


_A/N: This is written for my friend Middy (contemplating being nocturnal) as it was her birthday a while ago. I hope you'll like this! And, I've never written something from Hunger Games before, so..._

_Also, thanks to mew-tsubaki for the splendid beta-work!_

* * *

**Finnick's Vow: A Somewhat Soliloquy**

once everything was as it should be

her hair flew around her head  
her eyes shone like suns  
_she was your sun  
_  
you danced on the beach  
she collected shells  
and you laid  
with your eyes closed  
listening to the waves

she sat down next to you  
you opened your eyes  
and saw her hugging her knees to her body

she smiled

you stayed on the beach all  
night  
_because she was your best friend_  
(even though she was so young)  
and you would always stick together  
because she had asked you that one time  
and you had agreed

then the morning came  
with all that you had wanted  
to ignore  
forget  
hide from

you stood in the crowd  
together  
her hand clutching yours so tightly  
but you clutching hers even tighter

you saw nothing  
but the man's purple hair  
you heard nothing  
but him shouting _Odair! Finnick Odair!_  
you felt nothing  
but her hand not being in yours anymore

after that nothing was as it should be any more

people were smiling at you  
cheering at you  
and all you could think of was  
_annie_  
and the fact  
that you were going to  
kill  
people  
to  
get  
back  
to  
annie

you broke down one night  
in your room

two nights before it would all start  
you cried  
you weren't old enough  
you weren't good enough  
you weren't brave enough

but then you swallowed  
and stood up and looked out the window  
because the stars you saw  
were watching annie  
for you

you could do this  
the next morning you saw something you had missed before  
you had seen the people watching you  
but you hadn't seen them _watching_you

you felt like prey  
but it hit you soon  
why they looked at you like that

and you flashed them a smile  
and they blushed  
they freakin' blushed

you knew this meant something  
you could use this

so when the day came  
that day  
you didn't look at the cornucopia  
you looked at a camera

and raised an eyebrow

you could only imagine them  
gushing over you  
but it was more than enough

this would be helpful

then you fought your way forward  
grabbed a rucksack  
slammed your fist into someone's stomach  
and ran  
as fast as you could

after that, it passed in a blur  
you had a knife in your hand  
you had blood on your fingers  
and you didn't know how much time had passed  
but it had to be days

gifts were sent to you all the time  
and you winked  
you took your shirt off  
you stretched your muscles  
and heard them gasp  
in your head

it worked  
so well

you came home  
you came home  
you came home  
to annie  
to your family

and you were so happy when the sun was up  
that you completely forgot  
about the eyes that stared at you in the night  
dead  
because of you

but you were home  
so you could ignore it  
you were happy  
again

but not for long  
you should have known  
you should have known that Snow wasn't  
smiling for nothing  
you blamed yourself  
for not realizing sooner

but what was there to do?  
nothing  
so you followed him  
and you didn't show that you were  
scared  
or even disgusted

now nothing was as it should be and you seriously doubted it ever would be again

you were bursting on the inside  
and smiling on the outside

you held their hands on the outside  
and killed them on the inside

you kissed their lips on the outside  
you spit in their faces on the inside

you cried on the inside  
you breathed their names on the outside

but then it was all nothing  
when you compared it to what happened next

it was reaping  
and it was  
annie  
that  
was  
chosen  
you  
could  
not  
believe  
it

when you sat on your bed  
and watched the emptiness next to you  
that had always been there  
but now was more profound  
than ever  
you decided  
that she was going to live

you told her all you could think of  
and yet you felt as though it wasn't enough  
and sometimes it felt as though  
_she didn't listen_

then the day came  
and now nothing was as it should be, so far from it that you couldn't remember how it had been from the beginning

she was on tv  
of course she was  
she was prettier than ever  
and yet you didn't recognize her

her eyes were filled with something else  
they were hard  
and you didn't want to think of why they were

_she ran so fast  
_you cursed the camera men for focusing on some big hulky type that was breaking a girl's neck with his hands  
because you wanted to see her  
you had to see her

and yet you didn't want to  
because  
your hands shook like mad

it was crazy  
it was a screwed up world  
it wasn't fair  
you couldn't take this

but you had to  
so you focused on annie  
you focused on smiling to the audience  
making sure that your shirt wasn't buttoned all the way up  
and she got her gifts  
_and she continued living_

she befriended a boy  
at first something burned inside of you  
but when he killed people for  
her sake  
you felt like kissing him

they made a great team  
or rather not  
annie didn't do much  
neither did he, not really  
(not compared to those other slaying machines)  
but they could hide

and so they did

nothing happened for a while  
days, months, minutes  
it didn't matter  
because it was bound to happen, something  
anytime  
now

there weren't many left  
many had been killed  
the hulky type from the beginning  
more and more of them  
and it was as though  
they (she) (you) balanced on a line  
as thin as air

and when it broke  
you hadn't expected it to be like this  
it wasn't Snow's doing  
it was the game  
as simple as that

the boy and annie were walking in the forest  
when  
suddenly  
a girl jumped forward

shrieks  
screams  
a blur

then annie laid on the ground

sobbing

and you didn't understand

whatisthatinherarms

WHATISTHATINHERARMS

you can't—you don't—it can't be—it's wrong

but it was

(the girl was gone in a heartbeat  
and, damn, she couldn't have brought that…  
_head_with her?)

and when you saw annie beginning to scream  
howl, almost  
more and more as the time passed  
you smashed your fist into the screen  
and didn't mind  
the blood that  
dripped down your arm

you have to get annie home  
now

you don't know how  
you don't know if it's possible  
you don't know  
but you will

and then the idea hits you

and it works  
you knew you could seduce  
of course  
but this time is different  
it's so easy  
it takes nothing  
(or maybe it does takes a lot  
as usual  
but this time you think of her  
and it doesn't matter that it's not her skin you're touching  
because you know  
that if you do this  
she'll get home  
and that's all that matters)

and you get exactly what you want

a flood

water

drowning kids

(were there really that many left? how could you have missed that?)

and a swimming annie

it's perfect

(but no one else think it is)  
(not enough violence for being the final)  
(boring)  
(bad tv)

but annie  
a  
n  
n  
i  
e

_survives  
_  
and now you're clutching her hand and you don't ever—never want to let it go again  
in fact  
you vow never, ever to loosen your grip


End file.
